Only yesterday, listing to the rustling of the leaves in the warm breeze, I was thinking “that sweetcorn looks good enough to pick”. I got distracted, and thought I’d leave it until today…
In the middle of the night I was woken by the sound of loud munching.
A sort of sloppy, licking-of-lips sort of munching, the kind that a portly, red-faced man, sitting on his own in a restaurant, with a napkin stuffed in his collar, would make.
I got out of bed and quietly learned out the window, peering into the darkness below. A loud rustling, a creaking of stems, and I realised someone hefty was sitting in the sweetcorn bed, helping themselves!
I realised it was… a big, fat badger!
Knowing that badgers can be very aggressive when cornered, I wondered how to defend my precious property. It was 2.15 in the morning, and I felt I shouldn’t wake the village up by hollering “HEY! You! Badger! Get off my sweetcorn!”… I had the feeling he’d ignore me… and the neighbour’s would cross the road next time they saw me.
Instead I ran downstairs, grabbed some logs from the hearth, and threw a few out of the window, trying to miss the sweetcorn. That saw him off.
But I have the feeling he’ll be back.
This morning I find, among my trampled sweetcorn, several husks, the leaves carefully peeled back, and the corn nimbly nibbled. Despite the noise he does have exceedingly good table manners.
Today’s holiday job? Barricading what’s left of the sweetcorn.
Any advice on anti-badger defences will be most welcome!